Fatkini summer update!
We are well into the summer and I thought I'd give you an update about the whole body acceptance journey I am on.
As you know, a couple months ago, for the first time in my life, I bought a bikini. Now, the technical term for what I have is a fatkini-- I didn't make it up and it's not meant as a slur. Fat is simply a descriptor with no moral value to it. So, a fatkini is a high-waisted bikini for big girls.
It has taken a lot of bravery for me to step out in it, so I started the summer with a bang-- hitting the YMCA beginning of summer bash, where I (as you may remember) not only competed in the cannonball/belly flop contest, but won. That was a tough thing for me to do. I am used to trying to make myself as invisible as possible while wearing a swim suit. So doing this contest, I was intentionally make a choice to be visible-- to draw hundreds of eyes to myself.
That went well. No one died. I got several compliments on my swim suit from random people I didn't know.
But the next step was a little more brave because it was my neighborhood pool. And that required bravery for me because these weren't random people I didn't really know, this was making a choice to bare my body in front of my neighbors-- people I saw regularly. It's easier to do the whole "I don't give a damn" thing when it's around strangers. But when it's people you know-- it's harder somehow.
That also has gone well. No one has died. I continue to get compliments on my swim suit from random people I don't know-- both small women and bigger women. Mostly, I get compliments from other big breasted women because they know the struggle of trying to find a swimsuit that will fit.
Today is the next step of my journey-- I am hitting a water park with the boys. Listen, don't be envious. I know many of you are feeling super jealous right now that I get to spend the day keeping track of three crazy boys at a water park. (Sarcasm alert.) And honestly, this morning, I was thinking about wearing my old skirted tankini this time. There's going to be a lot of walking/sitting/sliding around without a cover up on. And so, yeah, doing that, while fat, in front of thousands of eyes (many of whom are teenager), seems daunting. But then I just decided, "Whatever! Who cares?!" And I wrestled myself into the ole fatkini for another full day of fun in the sun. I will let you know how it goes and if anyone dies of seeing me in a fatkini.
During this time, I have been trying really hard to listen to voices of body acceptance and I have a few resources to share.
- First, I love the BodCast podcast.
- This podcast (I started at the beginning) gives a lot of info about the whole fat acceptance movement- what it is and isn't, hot button issues, and interviews with different voices in different areas of the topic.
- Second, I have enjoyed following The Adipositivity Project online and social media.
- This project is about highlighting the beauty of fat bodies. So often we are given images of beauty that look nothing like us, even if we are thin. This is an alternative message of beauty and self love. It's fantastic.
- Third, I am (slowly) reading Roxane Gay's new book, Hunger: A Memoir of (My) Body
- While this is not technically a fat acceptance resource (and draws criticism from some in the FA movement, it discusses a story of a relationship with her "unruly" body, food, trauma, and life. It is so relatable and hard. Seriously recommend. I can only consume it in moderation because it is so heavy. BUT SO GOOD.
Future summer plans include parading around in front of nieces and nephews next week, and other (thin) family members at a family reunion the week after (gasp!) I can do this, people. So can you! Let's continue to do brave things to live fully where we are. An authentic life is more beautiful than sucking it in!
