Seriously?

Even as I sit here and type, I have a question in my head as to whether this post will be just one of my therapeutic writing sessions, or an actual blog post. As who processes things externally, I have dozens of "saved" posts that I think I should blog but realized after the fact that I just needed to write them to write them. And that was it. I have dozens of saved documents on my recently stolen computer that were the same thing. I sure hope that whoever stole my computer can't read English and has the sense to wipe the hard drive before using it, or selling it. Because yeah, my private thoughts... well, they were pretty private. But oh well, such is life, eh? (Can you tell I am friends with Canadians these days?) And yes, I have come up with a better system for journaling my private thoughts since. :)

This is what I am thinking about this morning.

I am thinking about the heat that my husband, Nick, took for the recent decision that was made by the Board. As the only member of the Board who lives on the ground in Haiti, the brunt of the pissed off people directed their anger at Nick. This came in the form of death threats (as I previously mentioned), fights at our home with people involving the police (while my children all cowered upstairs crying), tons of passive aggressive attacks and even, more recently, a "brother in Christ" calling my husband a liar and a moron. I am not sure when that kind of name-calling became okay, but I think I missed that passage in scripture.

But I didn't miss this one:

But I say to you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which spitefully use you, and persecute you. -- Matthew 5:44

There is nothing that torques me more than relational tension. I am a relational person to a fault. I love people. I love being around people. I tend to trust people and believe the best in them. So the idea of having "enemies" is killing me. It is literally eating my soul.

And I am not just a mama bear when it comes to people ganging up on my kids. Man, when someone says something bad about my husband... my heart breaks. The true nature of my husband is that of humility and compassion. At the core of him, he loves Jesus, he loves his family, and he is THE MOST forgiving person I have ever met. Literally. He can have it out with someone, and then the next day, truly be their friend. Truly. (Not so much me, I have a harder time letting go.)

But back to that passage in scripture.

LOVE your enemies.

Bless them that curse you.

Do good to them who hate you.

And pray for them which spitefully use you, and persecute you.

Seriously? Are you serious?

I am going to be honest. I don't know HOW to do this.

My mother-in-law is a big believer in the expression, "rise above it." And that's MOSTLY what I've been trying to do in this situation. But I see that God is wanting so much more for me. As always, he's wanting the best for me. And that means, even in THIS situation, dying to myself and surrendering it ALL-- doing things I don't want to do and "going places" (figuratively and literally) that I don't want to go.

Pray for me as I attempt to do this. It's not what I want to do.

Okay, I decided to hit "publish." Just so I have the accountability of doing this... Aargh.