Oh I don't even know where to begin with what they said...
After a few minutes of examining, the doctor said it was obvious that she's had some sort of brain damage. I asked how that could have happened and he said it could be any number of things-- an accident, a fall, shaken baby, abuse. With the mother, Babette, being only 17 years old, I realized the likelihood of any of these events were probably increased. But she seems to be a pretty conscientious mother so I tried to think the best. As we're discussing these thing I start touching the baby's head to feel if anything feels misaligned. Babette saw me touching her head and said, "She did fall on her head when she was a very little baby." My heart skipped a beat and then I asked her a few clarifying questions.
I said, "You've told me in the past that she's been throwing up her whole life. Did that start before or after the fall?"
Babette said, "Right after." My heart skipped another beat.
I asked her, "The way her body is all curled up and her muscles are all tight and her face is winced in pain... did that start before or after the fall?"
Babette said, "Right after. Everything about her changed after she fell." And my heart sunk.
I communicated this to the doctor and he basically told me that we can try to do something about the vomiting and dehydration but that there won't be anything we can do for the brain damage-- it's irreversible. He said it's likely she's highly damaged, and that he can't say for sure, but she will almost always be very handicapped. Probably not even able to eat solid foods. He said that in the states with good medical care and the many support services available, she'd have a good chance of beginning to thrive somewhat. And then he asked what kind of life is available for a handicapped child in Haiti. And my heart completely broke. Completely.
I don't want to judge or speak ill of Babette, but she's 17. She's a single mom. She LIVES IN HAITI. THERE ARE NO SERVICES FOR HANDICAPPED CHILDREN! What usually happens is that parents who have handicapped children usually just stop feeding them and they starve to death. And when I say that, I am not saying that as something I even BEGIN to understand. But it is very common. And not being in the position of a mother who is poverty stricken, and living in Haiti where there are no services available, it's not my place to judge.
I am going to be completely transparent right now, and it's probably not going to come out the way I actually mean it, but just trust my heart on this -- the thought actually crossed my mind that I was kind of disappointed in myself that I brought her to the hospital the other day when she was so dehydrated. If I didn't, she might be hugging the neck of Jesus in heaven right now. I KNOW that sounds terrible. And I KNOW that most of you won't understand what I mean by that sentiment. But the outlook for her here is so grim I just don't know how to process what her reality is going to be.
Early on Nick warned me not to get too attached to this baby. Part of me thinks I should have listened. The other part of me thinks that in the end, (to quote a line of my favorite song from my favorite music group), "we're better off for all that we let in."
I'll keep you posted as I try to figure out who's right.
13 comments:
God places everyone where they are for a reason. As bad as the future looks for baby Patricia, it is but our human judgment. God can work miracles Gwenn - surrender this child to Him and He will show the way. Have faith.
When we believe in Jesus, death has a different meaning. My prayers for you, Patricia, and Babette.
Oh please . . .don't give up . . . PLEASE read about Osteopathic/Cranial-Sacral work . . . it can do AMAZING THINGS for kids who have had falls and injuries to the head/body.
SOME D.O.'s are skilled in it . . . so are some chiropractors etc. I know the changes of someone getting to Haiti is a long-shot, but if the word is spread . . . I'm sending your post to my Doc friend who is a D.O. (and she traveled with me to a European country to work for a week in an orphanage with children with head deformities that affected them back in Sept.)
Heart-breaking. Wow. You were absolutely right to get her to the hospital. What happens from here is in God's hands. God Bless!!
Praying for you, friend! Praying for Patricia!
My heart is breaking as I read this. Praying for supernatural peace and strength for you.
Gwenn,
I am writing to encourage you. I understand the thoughts running through your mind as I have also wrestled through such in my times in Africa Orphanages.
Jesus loves Patricia. That's why you love her. He's attached to her, and so of course you would have that urge as well. When I was in Mozambique I took care of a little baby named Americo. He had AIDS. His mom had taken good care of him, but when she died her sister took over care of Americo. And similarly to handicapped children in Haiti, in Africa it is AIDS babies who are usually left to starve and pass. This little baby came to us severely malnourished and immune to the antiretrovirals(due to not taking them consistently-it's like antibiotics). I grew very attached to Americo. I had him sleep either right beside me or on my chest. One morning when I went to wake him, he wasn't breathing right. I carried him as we rushed to the hospital. But he didn't make it that far, and frankly the doctors didn't care to try to rescucitate him. I actually prayed in front of doctors and nurses that he be raised from the dead! But this is what the Lord said to me, "Americo went from your arms to mine." Americo was loved! Patricia is loved. Sending love and prayers! -Amanda Kane
There are no correct answers in this type of situation, so you just do the best you can.
And turn it over to God.
I love you.
That's all.
As someone that has seen what happens to these precious children with their families and even worse, when they end up in an orphanage. My heart breaks too. Sometimes it's overwhelming just how incredibly unfair life is.
Praying for your heart and Patricia!
Gwenn, I'm so sorry. Sorry for Babette, for sweet Patricia, for you and the grief that you and Babette are feeling. Makes my heart hurt. And I think your feelings are merciful, sadly, in this case.
God bless you and give you His peace as you wrestle in these deep waters - no easy answers....just the secure arms of Jesus. Your heart is gold.
A sister in Kazakhstan
My heart is breaking - crying. And so I pray for Patricia. I pray for the abay and for her mother. the guilt that is felt over things like this is often unbearable. My son was born in Ethiopia missing 1/2 of his brain and with too much fluid in his head. We were told he didn't respond to any stimulus, would likely never eat or talk or show emotion. when we picked him up, we were able to see just how wrong the reports we had been given were. He absolutely recognized people, ate very well, and even had his own way of trying to communicate. It's just that no one knew, because they had not expceienced caring for a child like this before. So, I pray for wisdom, and I pray that the Lord gives this mother people in her life who can teach her to care for this precious child.
If there is anything someone her in the US can do - I would really love to help.
The Lord has a plan for Patricia. My prayer is that his plan is realized in her life.
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