hope deferred

There’s this Proverb (13:12) in the Bible that starts like this—

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick…”

These past three days as I have waited and hoped and expected my children to come back into Haiti has made my heart sick. The decision we made to send them out to stay with their grandparents was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do as a mom. Especially because I didn’t know when they would return. I missed them like crazy every single day, but I could at least reason in my head that they were doing well and that we were able to accomplish a lot. Looking back, this was definitely the right choice for our family. But at the three week point, I started to crumble. The plan was already in place to get them back so I just held onto that. I still continued to miss them like crazy, but I had the hope that on a certain day, I’d see them and hold them on Monday.

And then Monday their domestic flight to Fort Lauderdale (where they’d hoped to hop a charter plane to Jacmel) got cancelled. They were rebooked for later in the day, but didn’t arrive in time and were told that the next day there would be a flight. Long story short—there wasn’t a flight the next day, Tuesday. Could be any number of reasons, but my money is on the fact that the Canadian Prime Minister came for a visit to Jacmel, and security was very, very tight. If I was in the Canadian military and in charge of the airport, well… I wouldn’t let planes come in either.

The next problem was that there wasn’t scheduled to be any charter from Fort Lauderdale to Jacmel the next day, Wednesday. So again the plan changed. They were told that if they could make it to Nassau, there would be several charters going from Nassau to Jacmel on Wednesday, and they could hop one. Here is where the details get fuzzy so I can’t verify that this part of the story is 100% accurate, but what I BELIEVE happened based on the little information I have is that they went to a hotel and were told they would be called when there was a plane that was going to be headed out. They were called, but from what I understand, they were called RIGHT when the plane was headed out, and by the time they arrived at the airport from the hotel, they had missed the plane. Well, actually, they had missed all three planes, as they were all headed out at the same time.

Since then the only contact we’ve had with them is that they were being put up at Habitat for the night so they didn’t have to spend another $400 on a hotel. We *BELIEVE* this is the same place the pilots are staying, but again, can’t verify that. We’re expecting them today? We really don’t know. We have no contact with them. Can’t reach them by phone. Can’t reach them by email. Yesterday I just collapsed in tears, took a half a Valium and slept all afternoon. (Unless you were here for the earthquake, sent your three kids out for over a month, and have had your hope for a reunion deferred three days in a row, please don’t judge…)

If you follow me on facebook, you’re probably a bit weary of me asking for prayers that I could get my kids back into my arms. In the scope of the big picture of what has happened in Haiti, it seems so selfish to be so consumed with this right now. There are so many people who are really suffering. Moms who have been seperated from their children because they are no longer living. By God’s grace, that’s not where I am walking right now and I realize my “problems” seem so insignificant compared to what many Haitian families are walking through. But it really is something very, very heavy on my heart. So if you can find it in you this morning, please, PLEASE pray for a reunion today.