That's going to be a problem in our family. just kidding.
My friend Deena took Nia today for a museum outing so Nick and I just have the boys for a few hours.. We had to get a few things-- after the pantry infestation we were pretty low on some essentials, plus we were out of Pediasure... and considering that's a staple in his diet at this point, we thought it wise to go to Target and stock up again. He was a little wigged out by it I think. I kept him in the sling the entire time, but at one point Nick went down a different aisle he got upset and started whimpering... which just about makes me want to ball! I can deal with the screaming tantrums, and even though I don't like them, I am even starting to find a little humor in them as he throws himself on the ground and rolls clear from one end of the room to the other. Additionally, crying seems to make him salivate and he's usually drenched the front of his clothing in drool by the time it's all over and done with. But the whimpering... it's just too sad.
Last night he didn't have a good sleeping night. After he fell out of bed I put him in the bed with Nick and I. It was sweet that as soon as he fell asleep he turned over and laid ON TOP of Nick in his sleep. (He made a wise choice in that I can't stand being touched in my sleep.) However, at one point he woke up screaming blood curdling screams just terrified. He obviously was disoriented and didn't know where he was... it was heart-breaking. I do believe that he's attaching to us, but I also realize this will take time and that he has a lot of loss to work through.
One thing we are noticing about Nico is that he's definitely two years old! He does have a touch of the "terrible twos" and we can see a distinct difference between tantrums because he's emotionally fragile and tantrums because he's two. That might not make a whole lot of sense to you, but it probably would if you spent time with him. Yesterday I told Vivian (our social worker) that I am glad that he's not our first child, so we can recognize some of the behaviors that are just intrinsic to two year olds, and know when to be firm with boundaries and when to let it slide.
One thing I didn't expect to happen that is happening is that both Nick and I are just PAINED for little Nico. It hurts so badly sometimes to look at him (even if he's happy) and just realize how much we've missed with him, how confusing and scary this must be for him... Nick told me yesterday that he wonders if the ache will ever go away, or if there will be moments for the rest of our lives that we grieve the time we lost with him and all he has lost. I don't know.
I want to thank everyone who has been bringing us meals, sending gifts, etc... I am behind on thank-you notes again! lol Well, I think you technically have a year to get out wedding thank you notes-- so I am going to use that guideline as well considering this is our second new kid in as many months. (Speaking of which, can you believe my chunky-monkey Josiah will be EIGHT weeks on Friday!? How did THAT happen?)
I am also a little behind on emails/phone messages... sorry-- I am really going to try to get back to you all soon... we are just sort of in "survival mode" (as my friend Deena put it.) We are triaging life and trying to keep the kids fed, diapers changed, get THEM dressed (us is a different story). I know it will get easier-- we're just waiting for that to happen! :) Literally yesterday morning I told Nick that I needed 15 minutes to take a shower, get dressed, brush my hair, etc as I realized I had been wearing the same thing for two nights and one day without changing.
One final thing-- a GREAT BIG thanks to my friend Bonnie who graciously gave me a whole mess of Tupperware modulars she was no longer using. Listen folks, I think you should go ahead and get some for your house too. This grain weevil situation is something I NEVER want to do again... we had to throw SO much food out (probably 3 big garbage bags full). Now you are probably wondering why we didn't notice them sooner... well, I haven't actually been doing a whole lot of cooking since the new baby arrived. We had gone to BJ's to load up on some essentials, and I think they came in on the rice. We've gotten a lot of meals brought to us since J-man was born and ordered a lot of others... it wasn't really until we started seeing some odd-looking bugs outside the pantry that we really understood what was happening. Anyway, all of this is to say it's a pretty miserable thing to deal with so do yourself (and your local Tupperware consultant) a favor and get you some modulars! I can hook you up with a consultant if you need one. (And no, I am not one... this is just my PSA for the day. :)
Gotta go-- I don't want to “use up” Nico's entire nap time.
